Letting Go

I have always struggled with fear.  I remember when I was a little girl I snuck and turned on the TV one day and there was a horror movie on.  Growing up we weren't allowed to watch much of anything on television.  It was a real treat when we were able to watch  "The Andy Griffith Show" or "Bonanza".  But there's always that curiosity in a child when they're told they can't do something.  So my curiosity was to watch TV and see what's really so bad about it.  Well I think that day is where my fear began.  I wish I would have listened to my parents and never turned that TV on.  But I did.  I watched as some actor on TV was driving their car, and unknown to them, there was someone in the back seat waiting to kill them.  Since that day I've always watched my back.

As I've gotten older that fear has always lingered near, but I try my best to push it to the back of my mind.  I hold 2 Timothy 1:7 close to my heart, always trying to remind myself that this fear is not from my Creator.  That verse has helped me so much and really in the past couple years I have felt like I have overcome this monster in my life.  Well Lana the day you were born I was reminded of that fear.  I've never been so afraid to loose someone.  The last eight months I've heard that sweet soft voice telling me to deal with this fear, but I've been so busy and have been going through alot so I've continued to push it away.  So I keep you close to me always.  My greatest fear has been letting you sleep in your room, so since the day you were born you sleep in the room with daddy and I.  There is nothing so peaceful as waking in the middle of the night, glancing at you, and listening to you breath.  I feel safe.

Two weeks ago I went to a Chris Tomlin concert.  My plan was to go, sing at the top of my lungs, and walk away refreshed and happy.  Well God decided that night to show me His power and that nobody can keep you as safe as He can.  Here is the story Chris Tomlin shared.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=nykPjrAyoJ0

I have been like the servant of Elisha praying for the blindness over my eyes and that I could see God's armies watching of you.  After that night Lana I have been able to let you sleep in your room.  I close my eyes and I picture an army of angels standing watch over you and our home.  God can watch over you and keep you safe more than I could ever try to.  Wherever you go, I know I have a God that is sending His army of angels out to watch over you. 

"I know who goes before me

I know who stands behind

The God of angel armies

Is always on my side

The One who reigns forever

He is a Friend of mine

The God of angel armies

Is always by myside"

 

 

Picture of the Day

My Lana babe at 8 months.